I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
