Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize