Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
