I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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