Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
