dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
