She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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