Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
