Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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