you have to choose: penises or morals?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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