I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
