I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
