oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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