literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
