Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This can only be settled by a dance off.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
