I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
