haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
