There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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