I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
