lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
