Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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