I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
im six kinds of drunk right now
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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