I wish my penis had an off switch
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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