i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
