she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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