I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
