We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
