I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
