I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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