i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
