Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize