He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
