I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
