we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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