that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
