I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
