We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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