I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
its liver damage thursday
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