Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
