My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize