I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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