there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
