I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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