so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
