I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
