My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
