but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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