bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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