he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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