I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
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