I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
