I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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