Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
