like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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