she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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