somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
