Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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