BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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