I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize