apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
