You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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