I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
