i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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