i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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