Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she told me i tasted like america
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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