At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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