I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
