Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
