I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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