Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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