Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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