i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my sisters under your porch take her home
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize