I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
