Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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