dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
