Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dignity is for republicans.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
