A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
50% drunk capacity currently
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
