We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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