problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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