Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
