We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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