I think I won the penis lottery.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
