Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
