mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
