he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
