I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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