the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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