if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i need some magic done to my vagina
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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