Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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