if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
