so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
