i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
