hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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