You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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