I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
