He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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