Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
