i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
