Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize