Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
