She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
should my penis look like a turkey
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
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